Don't Panic!

It’s a bewildering thing.

I always thought we Brits were pretty stoic. But I went to my local supermarket today, and the shelves had been picked clean of toilet roll.

A lone assistant brought out a fresh stock of Andrex and was practically set upon by shoppers who snatched the packs up as if they held the secret to eternal life.

What the hell is happening?

Even if you have to isolate for two weeks... how many toilet rolls do you need?! (Actually I worked this out - a family of four each doing one poo and five wees a day would need 10 to 12 rolls for a fortnight.)

The comforting words on the front of the Douglas Adams classic Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy have never been more relevant.

Stop panicking.

Stop nipping down to your local supermarket and clearing the shelves of toilet paper. For a start, running out of toilet paper is not an earth-shattering calamity. There are entire countries which do not use it. When I was a kid growing up in India, we used a jug of water and air-dried our butts. I know, not terribly sophisticated, but it’s hardly the end of life as we know it.

Consider that there are thousands of people currently crammed into refugee camps without nappies, sanitary towels, toothpaste, paracetamol, Netflix… am I making the point?

Coronavirus is undoubtedly a threat to the elderly and those with other health problems. And it will place a huge burden on our health services if our efforts to 'flatten the curve' do not succeed. But fear and uncertainty is making things infinitely worse.

Hold onto the facts. The fatality rate is relatively low. Children tend to suffer milder symptoms. And the vast majority of people recover.

It's a difficult time, yes. But clearing out supermarket shelves is selfish and hysterical. Supplies will only become limited if you stockpile. Who needs ten packets of pasta?

If you absolutely DO have to panic-buy, may I suggest books? After all, when we are all forced to self-isolate in our bunkers with our secret stash of toilet roll, hand sanitizers and penne, we might enjoy some reading material.